About grief

There are no pains the same. Each person suffers and processes death (or any other loss – a boyfriend, a job, a part of themselves) in an absolutely unique way.

Everyone has heard about the grieving process and its phases: Denial (“I still don't believe it…”); Anger (which can be external “Life is so unfair”, or internal “I should have done something” – survivor guilt); Negotiation (“If it had been anyone else!”); Depression – which is the phase in which we actually grieve, mourn the loss, materialize the separation and reorganize ourselves –; finally Acceptance.

It is natural and important to go through each of these stages, and allow yourself, at your own pace, to experience the different emotions that each stage implies. As a psychotherapist, I am typically more alert when the patient is not allowing contact with emotions and remains apathetic, than when crying disconsolately. Do not interpret that apathy is wrong – the important thing is to understand whether other internal processes are inhibiting this experience (but that is another conversation).

Grief can be confusing, for yourself and for those around you. Ideally, what you want is to go through all the stages and define them, clear the fantasy, anger and guilt, and arrive at sadness. It takes patience and unconditional support for each phase of the bereaved.

Effectively what can they do? Allow yourself to feel all of this, connect with others and allow their support, and take care of yourself – whether that’s reading, bathing, creating art (extremely therapeutic), getting enough sleep, eating healthy or exercising. physical regularly!

At any time, you can ask for help from a professional, but don't worry about "extreme" sadness, as pathological grief has no "date" to be diagnosed, and each person will take the time they need to process the loss.